Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
