Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
