this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
