R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize