You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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