So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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