whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
