well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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