if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
