he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
