Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
