I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
