I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
