i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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