i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
