well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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