I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
