i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
