Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
