yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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