I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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