It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
