he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
