like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
