Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
