I just pynch a tree in the face
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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