I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
