Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Are my feet made of real feet?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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