I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
