She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
