I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
