Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
