Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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