I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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