I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
