Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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