I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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