When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
