our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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