hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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