I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
