C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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