i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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