Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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