You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
