woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
