Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
