you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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