If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
