ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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