Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dear god my vagina.
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