my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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