Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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