I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
