The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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