Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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