We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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