mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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