Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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