Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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