STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
