Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
