I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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